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How to avoid rejection and get connection: Marisa Peer at TEDxGoodenoughCollege

Translator: Hélène Vernet Hi! Thank you for listening to me. I’m going to teach today
how to be amazing at connection. But to be amazing at connection, you’ve got to be equally amazing
at not letting in rejection. You have to be able
to deal with rejection in order to be fantastic at connection because we come onto the planet
with two very, very powerful needs. Our first need is: we must always find
and maintain connection. Our second need is that we must
always seek acceptance and avoid being rejected. And avoiding being rejected
is very, very important. These are actually tribal needs and we’re all run by this instinctive need
that we have to avoid being rejected because when we were living in a tribe, you couldn’t survive
unless you were connected. We were born instinctively knowing
that we would make it on the planet, we would survive if we were
connected to a group. Because in this tribespeople
you couldn’t hunt for food, build a dwelling and raise a family unless you were connected; you needed
that group to watch your back. And of course, the tribes
understood that too. All groups knew that the way to make you
conform was to threaten you with rejection. If they threatened you with rejection,
you would conform. So very difficult sailors would be
marooned on a desert island forever. Difficult prisons were put into isolation. Many, many religious understood that if they threatened you with casting out
or banishment, you would behave. Even children know how to send
someone they don’t like to Coventry. And of course when parents send
their naughty child to their room, they’re disconnecting them
from the group; they’re rejecting them
and they’re rejecting their behavior. So in Romeo and Juliet, when Romeo
was banished from Verona, he said, I’d rather be killed than banished,
banishment is worse than death. There’s nothing out there but purgatory. Actually he was right: my father
lived in a tiny little village up north that had a really old church that had
the original banishment window still there because in times gone by, if a villager
didn’t behave and didn’t conform, they would be banished forever
from that village, but they still had to go to church
to try to redeem their wickedness, and they had to turn up
after the service began, in all weathers, they had to crouch down by this banishment
window and listen to the service outside, and when they’d left, they’d left
just before the service ended, because they were not allowed
to have connection. So to this day, we fear being rejected and the fear of rejection will hurt
our ability to connect. I’m sure most of you know
what Stockholm Syndrome is. Stockholm Syndrome is the study of what happens to people
when you disconnect them. So people who have been
taken hostage, people who’ve been kidnapped,
people who’ve been in prison would rather befriend their enemy
and often have sex with them too than be isolated,
disconnected and rejected. And of course, most of you
have seen “Homeland.” In Homeland, he went to the other side, because he was isolated,
disconnected and rejected. So, it’s this tribal fear that we have, and if you think tribal fears don’t exist,
we’re not in a tribe, just watch what women do
when they’re out in a group. If a woman go out in a group
and one wants to go to the toilet, they say, “Who’s coming with me?”
they go, “I’ll come,” “I’ll come too;” and women go to the toilet
in groups because in a tribe, a woman never ever
went to the toilet on her own; that was so dangerous, you didn’t know
what was out there. So women went off in groups to the toilet and when they’re in groups out,
they still go to the toilet in a group. A man never says “I need to pee,
who’s coming with me?” If you did, no guy would go
“I’ll come” and “I’ll come too,” because men stand up to pee, women literally had to have
someone watch their backs. So we come onto the planet
with this really intense need to be connected
and to avoid being rejected. These bonds of connection are very,
very fragile, and they must not be broken. What damages them is a fear of rejection. So, I’ve been a therapist for many,
many years, and I fly all over the world. I have a great job,
and I meet people who say, “You know, I got bullied when I was eight
and to this day, I don’t do groups. I won’t go to a pub, to a party.
I would never work in a big office. I might be rejected, it might remind me
of what it felt like to be bullied.” Or someone would say to me,
“The love of my life dumped me. I’ve never had a relationship since;
I don’t even want one, because I couldn’t go
through that pain again.” Or somebody would say, “I was fired
in front of everyone in my office. It was so humiliating,
I’ve never had a job since.” What they’re saying is: “Being rejected was so painful,
I’m now choosing to avoid rejection,” but of course what they’re doing
is: they’re avoiding connection. You don’t need to do that
because you can’t be rejected. We’re not tribal people anymore. There’s no way that you
could ever be rejected because you have to believe everything
the person who’s rejecting you is saying. So if I say to you “I don’t like you. I hate everyone who has green hair,
and I really don’t like you because I can’t stand people who have
purple hair. That’s my opinion,” it’s so clearly wrong,
you’re not going to let that in. That can’t possibly hurt you. It’s an opinion that is wrong
that you’re not going to let in. I’m going to be using this word “let in”
a lot in the next 15 minutes, because if you take one thing away
from today, let it be this: “Don’t let in opinions
that will hurt you.” If I say to the back row, “I don’t like
any of you, you’re so boring; you’re just so deeply dull,
there’s nothing to you,” some of you will let that in,
but it’s just an opinion. It’s no different to the other opinion. I’m saying something,
you don’t have to let that in. So, I work with so many people damaged
by rejection, particularly children, and in my years as a therapist,
I’ve learned five techniques that will really help you –
really help you I guarantee it – to not let in rejection, to deal with it. You can’t stop people rejecting you
but you can change the way it affects you. So let me teach you these five techniques. The first one is going to sound very trite
because simple things are often so simple, people think that can’t
work, it’s too easy. This first one is the kind of thing
you do to deal with the everyday barbs that come from colleagues,
friends, family members. So let’s imagine someone
comes up to you and says, “You’ve got so fat, it doesn’t suit you,
you shouldn’t have gained all that weight” or “You should never have cut
your hair, it looks terrible,” or “Why can’t you control your children,
they’re so badly behaved.” What you say is:
“Thank you for sharing that.” Now, I know that sounds trite
and I know that sounds silly, but if someone comes up
and says, ” Wow, you’re fat!” and you go, “How dare you
say that? That’s so hurtful,” or “You’re so rude!” or “Well,
you look anorexic to me,” or “You try eating
healthy food on my salary,” you’ve already let it in and now, you’re trying to deal
with it by sarcasm or her quizzes. When you say “Thank you
for sharing that,” what you’re saying is:
“That’s your opinion,” you can even say it,
“I don’t have to let that in.” My husband was driving
through Los Angeles last year, in peak traffic, and he took
the wrong freeway. His adult son in the back
was really crossed, he started to say, “You always do this. Why didn’t you plan
the route? Now we’re going to be late.” My husband went,
“Thank you for sharing that.” He went, “You’re so wound up
and now I’m getting really stressed, and you’re ruining the evening”
and he said, “Thank you for sharing that.” His son said something else and he said
again, “Thank you for sharing that.” I thought: “This is so cool! I taught him
this; he’s doing it; and it’s working!” We got to our destination
and actually, it was all dissipated, because saying “Thank you
for sharing that” dissipated it. They both forgot, they were fine, and “Thank you
for sharing that” really works, particularly with adult
or teenage children. So my daughter would
occasionally go, “I hate you. You’re the worst mother in the world.
Hitler was nicer than you.” and “All my friend’s parents let them
go out all night to sleepovers,” and I would just go, “Thank
you for sharing that, thank you.” So I don’t argue. What’s the point? When you say “Thank you for sharing
that,” you dissipate the tension and you don’t let it in. So that are very simple little words:
“Thank you for sharing that.” I promise you if you use them,
it will change everything. So that’s a simple one for the everyday
family member, tribal barb. So let’s imagine you’re at work
and someone comes up to you and says, “Oh my God, why did you ever
offer to speak in public? You should never
have chaired that meeting. You were so bad,
I was embarrassed for you.” What you say to them is “I’m sorry,
I didn’t actually hear all of that. Would you repeat that for me
slowly so I can hear it. Don’t ever say “So I can let it in.” “Could you repeat that so I can hear it,”
I promise you, 90% of the time they go, “Oh, me and my big mouth! Just ignore me. I’m having a really bad day,
I didn’t mean it.” What happened is
you’ve asked them to repeat it, they’ve had to think about it,
and they’ve decided to retract it. And they will retract it 90% of the time. When they do, don’t go “No! tell me
what you said, I want to know. What did you say?” You’ve got
to also let it dissipate. So: “I’m sorry would you repeat that
please; I didn’t hear it all” will work. Of course sometimes,
they will repeat it; they’ll say, “Yeah, I just said you were
so wooden at public speaking, it’s actually an insult to wood.” Now you get to technique three
which is to say, “Oh! Are you trying to hurt my feelings?
To make me feel bad about myself?” Amazingly they will usually go,
“No, of course not. I just thought you should know
that you’re so painful at public speaking, you need to practice more, get some help
or never speak in public again.” So although what they’re saying
is very hurtful and harsh, they don’t mean it. I was in Sainsbury’s many years ago
and somebody rang my cell phone. It was Cosmo: “Hi! Just to let you know
that we’ve done a big article about you. It’s in Cosmo; it’s out today
and it’s on this CD you’ve made called: “How to attract and maintain
a loving lasting relationship.” So I put down the phone; I went
to the newsstand and got two copies. I went back and went
“Hey Mom look! I’m in Cosmo! They’ve written about by CD
‘How to attract love’ and she said,
“I don’t want to read that. I don’t think you should ever make CDs
about attracting love and relationships because you’re not very good at them.” And I was like: “Okay, I know what to do.” I didn’t bother to go to #1
“Thank you for sharing that.” I didn’t actually bother to go to #2
which is “Could you repeat that?” I mean this is my mother so I didn’t
have to say “Please repeat that.” I went straight to technique 3,
“Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Why would you say that?”
and she said straight away, “Of course I’m not trying
to hurt your feelings, not at all. I just think you should stick
to the things you’re really good at. Then, you’ll be even more successful
than you already are.” And of course what she was saying
was not mean and not hurtful, but it sounded that way and I didn’t let
it in because I understood her intention. One of my patients came to see me. She was nursing her husband
to the final weeks of an illness. He was going to die and she was upset because every time she said
to her friends “My husband’s dying,” they’d go, “Oh, you’ll be fine.
You’ll find someone else. You’ll be okay.” She was absolutely hurt and I said, “Why don’t you listen to the intention
of what are they saying?” She said, “Yeah, they’re saying:
‘You’re so lovable, we love you. You won’t be on your own,”
and actually, she was married to somebody else
within a year, and she is very happy. So, we’ve got the first three but,
of course, you’ll get the person who says, “Yeah, that’s what I said,”
so let’s go to technique 4 now. You’ve said “Are you trying
to hurt my feelings?” and they go, “Yes, I don’t like you.
I want you to know everyone hates you. Then you simply say, “That’s not going
to work, I’m not going to let that in.” Again here’s that word: “you
never have to let it in.” I met someone who at 55
– he was a doctor – decided to run the marathon
to get a scanner for his husband. He was very out of shape
and he ran the marathon. He came in towards the end
but he was so delighted. When he went back to work,
one of the very buff fit doctors went, “Yeah, I heard you ran the marathon
and you came in like last.” He went “Last? I was first in my category.
– What category is that?” He went, “55 year-old out-of-shape doctor
from this hospital, raising money running a marathon
to get a scanner. I was number one in my category.”
He didn’t let it in. Now, you have these four things:
“Thank you for sharing that,” “Please repeat that slowly,” “Are you trying to make me
feel bad about myself?” “I’m not going to let that in.” There is a fifth technique but don’t ever
do it with sarcasm, which is to say, “While we’re sharing, did you know that critical people have the most
criticism reserved for themselves. They don’t like themselves. They’re expressing outwards
their own dissatisfaction. When you do this, you’re showing me
and everyone else in the office too that you’re your own worst critic.” So, for a critical person,
let’s imagine this as a seesaw, and here’s you and here’s them,
but in their world, it isn’t equal: you’re up there and they’re down there. Now all they can do to make it balance
is to diminish you. And they actually want that to happen, but they can only do that
by making you feel bad about yourself. Now you’ve got your five techniques, nobody can ever make you feel bad
about yourself unless you let them. So, I can only tell you that this works
because if this didn’t work, there’s not a chance I could stand
in front of you talking like this, loving it and actually enjoying it, because the greatest fear in the Western
world is the fear of speaking in public which is actually not a fear
of speaking in public, it’s the fear of being rejected. And a lot of people can’t do it:
I had a client who came to me who fainted at his own wedding rehearsal
when he had to rehearse his speech. I had another one who said, “I’ve got
to talk at a funeral. I’m so scared. Frankly, I’d rather be in the coffin
than giving that eulogy,” because it’s a fear of being rejected. I understand that because when I was 25,
a publishing house came to me and gave me a lot of money
to write a book, and I couldn’t do it. Every time I sat down, I kept thinking:
“What if nobody likes it? What if that’s wrong? What if
it gets really badly reviewed?” and I gave the advance back, because
I was so caught up with the rejection that I didn’t actually understand the fantastic connection
you get from being a writer. I meet people who go
“I want to write a book” and I go, “What are you doing to write a book?
– Nothing. – Have you got an agent?
– Oh no.” Or they want to be an actor: “- Are you going to auditions?
– Oh I couldn’t do that. – Why not?
– I might be rejected. – Look, until you can deal with rejection
you’re never going to be an actor. You can’t have one without the other
just like the weave of a cloth.” But when you learn
that you can’t be rejected … Then I wrote five
or six best-selling books. In fact, someone wrote to me recently:
“I’m so glad I got your book. I went to visit my mother
who’s very ill with cancer, and as I left, she said to me,
‘I hope you get cancer and die,'” and he went, “Wow, mom!
Even for you, that’s a bit hard,” because he said, “You know what?
It didn’t hurt me, I didn’t let it in. I remembered what you said,
she’s bitter and unhappy, that I once would have been
on the floor with depression that my mother said that,
but I didn’t let it in.” So let me share with you my favorite story because it’s such a metaphor
for not letting it in. So, a journalist went
to interview a holy man, already deciding
he hated spiritual people. He met him and of course the holy man
was beaming and smiling as they do, and he said, “I can’t stand
tree huggers like you. This is all pseudo, all fake. You’re not really spiritual.
I don’t like you.” The holy man beamed and smiled even more, so he cranked up the rejection and
continued to tell him why he hated him. And the holy man continued
to beam and smile. So finally he said,
“Why are you beaming and smiling while I tell you that I don’t like you?”
and he went, “Well, you see, if you give me a gift
but I don’t take the gift, who has the gift?”
and the journalist went, “Me…?” And he went, “Exactly!
I’m not taking that, and if I don’t take it,
it’s left with you.” It’s rather like being served
legal papers: if you don’t take them,
you’re not served. So please, remember these five techniques. Nobody can reject you ever
unless you let them. My little girl was five –
this is the first time I learned this- and in some ways, my mother was right because I didn’t write that book
because of my fear of rejection. I didn’t have loving relationships
because I was scared about being rejected. Of course I’m not now
or I wouldn’t be up here. My daughter went
to a little village school. She had a boy in her class
who had cerebral palsy and had a real problem walking. His mother used to say to him, “Baby, people look at you
because you’re so beautiful. They stare at you because you’re
the most handsome boy in the world.” This little village school went
to London to a museum. He’d never been on a tube.
He’d never been on an escalator. But off he went. He came back and went,
“Mom, I must have been so handsome today because everyone stared at me
on the tube and on the escalator. I was so beautiful, they all
looked at me in the museum. Everybody looked at me!” You see, those bonds, those fragile bonds
of connection aren’t broken in him, and by the time he understands
what that’s really all about it won’t matter because he started
his life not letting it in. So please, learn those five things: “Thank you for sharing,” “Would you repeat that slowly?” “Are you trying to hurt my feelings?” “That’s not going to work”
and remind them what critical people are. Thank you very much for listening. (Applause)

Reynold King

75 Replies to “How to avoid rejection and get connection: Marisa Peer at TEDxGoodenoughCollege”

  1. I love all you say,, You are so Fantastic. Some day I will personally meet you. Looking so Forward to that day. Be Safe. Continue to give speech Please. Thankyou so much.

  2. U r awesome.. I am from India, living in UAE.. n i can feel everyone faces more or less similar challenges in life. These techniques are well framed n will certainly assist every individual.
    Thanks a lot,

  3. But gow do you communicate with people who reject you in their behaviour, rather than their words? There are plenty of people who say one thing but do another, actions often speak louder than words. Will these techniques be as effective when dealing with people like that?

  4. Beautifully spoken but not exactly helpful. In childhood rejection is verbal and similar to the examples she gave but in adulthood it is usually either inferred but subtle cues in facial expression and body language, or by acts such as exclusion from social events or refusing invitations. In that case, a verbal response such as “are you trying to hurt my feelings” is not only overtly inappropriate, but will make the person sound like a paranoid lunatic and will lead to even more rejection and even ostracism.

  5. I've been through a lot of emotional pain and thought that I couln't recover myself from being intimidated for getting rejected. But rejection taught me some lesson, I couldn't achiecve what I am today if nobody told me that I wasn't good enough. It's only a matter of choice on how we view rejection because only two things will happen, it would probably make us or destroy us.

  6. Bravely boldly building bright brilliant brains: Left and right sides and hemispheres. Two halves making one whole. I'm referring to generating grand Genesis great genius. Genetic grace and being grateful for my gifts and truest talents. All of "the brain-fog" is lifted up and way.

  7. This is excellent advice, practical and shrewd. A characteristic of depressive people, above all, is that if they're alone they not only cease to have value: they cease to exist. In their own eyes, they might as well be dead. Instead they have to seek out company, even if it means endless abuse: "But once a month, he says he loves me!" "Once a year she says we'll stay together, and she stops kicking me out of her flat at 3 am or throwing my stuff out of the upstairs window… She even says she'll stop drinking!" (As you might surmise, Dear Gentle Readers, that bonne bouche is from my own experience). There is only so much, despite your every effort, that you can do to protect yourself or purge the wreckage. So avoidance becomes survival. Creatives in any field tend to be Outsiders, and outsiders more often than not have nervous systems geared to suffering pain more than, evidence indicates, is the norm. Assuming, that is to say, that one even wants to be "normal". As for me? I'll opt for authenticity, truth to oneself. All I ask is freedom from noise, this tinnitus of squeaking voices.

    But here is the issue that I now face, the issue that means a book I have been working on for ten years is likely never to be finished. It isn’t just that an eternity of selfish people clogs your mind like a drain; this foreseeable future of having to deal with toxic people, as some describe them. Every time you negate another person's hostility to you, real or imagined, you bolster yourself by engendering indifference towards the human race, even if only one member of it. This is not only self-protection, but sanity. We cannot afford to dote on the human race, or to take its every whim seriously. People talk of wisdom as if it were a vacuous smile, a sense of impunity that falls like a cloak over everybody else and everything. To me, and to every other older person whom I know, wisdom is a form of benevolent yet resigned stoicism towards what cannot be changed, what cannot be made good, cannot be made better. And in the end, one's indifference becomes pervasive, ubiquitous.

    I worked for many years in the field of creativity and communication. I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I know, too, as one who was lucky enough to find success, how fickle and fortuitous the whole business is. There are people with five times the talent of your favourite artist or celebrity or television name, whose work you will never hear of. As Marisa reminds us, human beings are part of the natural world; and our affairs are as chaotic as Brownian motion. What justice? What scheme of things? What over-arching natural purpose or order? I believe in two things: universal gravitation and entropy, the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

    Yet I have a hope as well. I like to think that each of us should try our best to leave the world a quarter of one-percent a better place than it was when we entered. My problem used to be fear. Now, it is apathy. So here's my question to Marisa: and it a serious question, without hidden agenda. Please: what can you do, what can you say, to help me regain my faith in the human race?

  8. I just wanted to let you know that I showed this video to my 15 year old son with Aspergers that has suffered from bullying since elementary school.  What prompted me to seek for practical help (outside of the paltry assistance offered by counselors and schools) was right after the Parkland, Florida school shooting tragedy when my son asked me in a very concerned voice "how long, mom, before I become a shooter?".  That was it for me and I knew I couldn't leave my son's mental health up to "professionals".  The very next day he called me as he was getting on the bus to come home…"Mom!! It worked!".  Now, my son could only remember the 1st three statements you put out but he used them calmly and with composure, repeated them as the bullying continued and found that eventually they gave up.  What a huge, huge relief that was for him!  Thank you , Marisa.  Your work matters.  You know that, of course, but I wanted you to know that it mattered to my son, to our family.  Thank-you a million times!

  9. Marisa, you are one of my new favorite people to listen to.  I'm glad that I stubbled on your talks.  I need this advice several years ago.  You are right on point!

  10. I can not say how grateful I am for this video.
    I am exactly going through this right now.
    And my reaction without knowing is that of not leting it in.
    All my life I have missed out on blessings due to taking peoples opinions in.
    But no more!
    Ever since I have decided that I am number one in my life I feel fantastic.
    Right now I might end up homeless with my tow kids.
    But I can not and will not let it in.
    Time is of the esence.
    I am growing and I am succeeding.
    Thank you so much Marisa

  11. Pretty good info, thanks a million Marisa.

    And May I add, one of the most important things to remember about 'not letting it in' is always remember to not let it in.

  12. This is so helpful. But I've got a question…how can I not let in rejection when this comes from TOTAL SILENCE from the other part or worst from LACK OF LISTENING from the other person? In these cases there is no engagement in dialogue, no confrontation, for harsh that it might be, so….WHAT TO DO? Because this is the kind of rejection it hurts me most…I feel almost invisible! Thanks.

  13. Great talk. What happens when the person that rejects you the most is your own self. I am always running myself down and rejecting myself. Maybe I could try thanking myself for the negative self talk. Love Maris's work and one day when I have enough money would love to study her method.

  14. I don't understand why she would say that "tribe"/"group"/"community"/
    "belonging" isn't important anymore… I think it is a core human need…

  15. I’m the opposite. Unless I really have to go, I never ever go to bathroom with group of women. Is something wrong with me? I LOVE the “thank you for sharing that” “could you repeat that.” Nice. Very, very nice. No fear of public speaking but l’ll use it with nastiness around the office. Here’s hoping I don’t have to endure up to the 5th step. Thank you Ms. Peer you are a treasure

  16. La traducción está mal, la palabra Conexión (Connection) no se traduce como (estar) conectado (To Connect). La conexión no se refiere al contacto -en español – el contacto está definido como tocarse, como algo físico (conectado). Pero connection se refiere a la relación (conexión) en la cual nos sentimos aceptados y protegidos como parte de algo, de un grupo. Podemos estar conectados sin tener conexión, estar en un grupo sin sentirnos parte de él, podemos tener conexión sin estar conectado, estar lejos de los que nos aman y se identifican con nosotros, sin tener contacto físico con ellos. Es uno de los conceptos claves, por eso es importante una adecuada traducción.

  17. Wow, I think when your mother tells you she isn't going to read an article about your work in Cosmo because she thinks you could do better, her intention is negative. That's very very weird behaviour.

  18. I have thought about learning how to train my mind just like navy seals do, as they learn how to suppress their feelings and emotions, I feel numb from my break up and I don’t know how to deal with my feelings and emotions, usually my other break ups I’ve cried and feel loss , yes men do cry !!, but this break up is out of my hands due to my ex’s mum is the reason we’re not together, I can’t even look at any other woman and think yes she’s suitable for me…. I once heard a saying when people try to hurt you and it goes like this, I’m sorry your having a bad day, I hope you have a better day tomorrow ….

  19. This just confirms and reaffirms that I'm moving in the right direction with my mindset and life, The way she puts it is much nicer than the way I would so I'm going to try it her way.😊😊😊

  20. Oh my god,,,,, I’m from orthodox family and community , and I was punished to be rejected 12 years ago, homeless no family no community, and now when I’m back to ISRAEL where I was born I can understand massive trauma! And to be disconnected ! And god sent me this speech in the minute I needed it! And I felt such a pain, thanks so much!!! Now I feel connect, I love you all!!!!

  21. Her advice is so empowering. I always feel victimized when narcissistic family members insult me and thanks to this video I realize I don't have to.

  22. truth is ("truth" as I experience it to be),
    it's totally cool that we worry what "others" think of us.

    it's just part of the human experience. instinct for survival. hardwired into us.​

    so it's not really actually about worrying or not worrying what others think,​

    rather, for me,

    it's more about knowing that regardless, either way, no matter what anyone thinks of me,

    I'm going to be okay.​

    if I know I'm going to be okay… then that all-consuming anxiety towards fitting-in,

    becomes less pervasive.​

    and it can rest. and I can rest.

    I've realized this more and more

    just by listening to my heart,​

    by being still,

    and by observing/realizing this: I


    in Love ​

    with the silent spaces ​

    between each thought. ​

    and when I fall in Love ​

    with something,

    anything, ​

    then that becomes what holds my attention. and soon

    the silent spaces ​

    grow longer ​

    and thoughts ​

    in turn ​

    become fewer.

    (and that's miraculous!) ​

    peace. ​

    and amen. ​

  23. I have over 150 books. Her book is amazing and in my top 10. Its a multiple read book as well. If you want better confidence and self esteem then its well worth getting.

  24. Yea ladie but when it happens to you as you grow up by all of your elders and then they always try to be back on your side pushing and pulling and if you are kept this way for 30 years or more then what

  25. Going to make sure the young one’s in my family know these steps to make sure they don’t get bullied like I did as a kid!

  26. Wonderful lessons!!! Not only this but yours in general!! You're an example for me and "for us" I think, who listen to your conferences/coaching, don't know how to call them!
    Now, I keep stopped writing, since I had this habit to wright and listen at mean time!!! I love hearing your voice, your beautiful peaceful way of speaking!! Thank's because after this lesson I found work for a person!! Been introduced by a friend of mine!!! Thank's Marisa!!! For your help, you made me feel at peace and I found the solution! For this woman!!! Love your work/the way you do it and make it "yours"!!! 👣 living your unique path on it!

  27. Thanks for this video! I manage to not let in rejection of strangers, or even at work!
    Rejection from my son or from a partner is really painfull 😢
    My last partner broke up and it came in right into my haert cause he was very important to me.
    How can I come with fear of loss/fear of rejection within a relationship?
    I have apparently tendenty to co-dependancy in romantic relationships 😕

  28. Brilliant! It seemed to end too soon though. Now what about the "Amazing at Connection" part that you mentioned at the beginning? 😉

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