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Previously on The Most Popular Girls in School We need a plan to fuck with the hipsters! Light their cars on fire! What would you do if Jenna lit your car on
fire? I’d punch her in the face. She’ll just report us into the school and
we’ll all have one of those four hour parent teacher conference things. I think it’s time they learn who they’re messing
with. What the fuck? That’s it! I don’t know Mom, they won’t tell me what
it’s about. I’m supposed to have a parent, and we’re supposed to have a meeting, and
that’s all I know. What? Yes, I do think it’s probably about the fact that my fucking car
got blown up Mom! You know that you were supposed to be here in five fucking minutes, right!
I don’t want to be the only kid here whose Mom was just too busy to show up to the goddamn
Parent-Teacher Conference- Brittnay? What?! I’m here. Well Jesus Mom, why are you letting me waste
my goddamn minutes?! Come on. Look, Frank, it’s very simple, all you need
to do is get the paperwork together by Friday, get Bruce to sign them, then I can just roll
them up and shove them up your ass, you fucking helpless piece of dogshit! Stop making me
hold your hand on this deal, Frank, we’re not in junior high and you’re not going to
finger me at the lunch tables! Mom…Mom…Momma! Mackenzie, can’t you see Mommy’s on an important
business call? Yes, Mom, but we’re here. We need to go inside. What’s this meeting about again? Did you and
your friends rip another girl’s arm off? Sorry, Frank, I gotta go. I think my daughter’s been
playing tug of war with her friends’ limbs again…What? That’s my fucking daughter,
Frank! You keep your fucking jokes to yourself! Come on, honey, let’s go. What, um, what did he say? Wow, things have not changed a bit since I
went to this school. Oh yeah Mom, what was it like when you were
here? Ah, best six years of my life. Let’s just
say, when your mom was in high school, she really got around! Oh you mean you had classes all over campus? Yup! One time I had a third period in the
science lab and then I had a fourth period geometry class in the math building! Ahhhh!!! Ahhhh!!! Can you believe that shit? Wow Mom, you’ve really lived a life. Ah Trisha, the stories I could tell you. Alright, everybody, I’m glad you could all
make it. Now, we all know why we’re here- Mr. McNeely, I for one find it offensive and
irresponsible that you have called a meeting simply because my daughter is dating an African
American man. Mrs. Cappelletti, that’s not at all why we’re
here. Well, I should hope not! Come along, Trisha. Mrs. Cappelletti, you have to stay. Oh, okay. Alright, now, like I was saying, we’re here
today because- We’re here because your daughter and her gang
of street toughs have broken my daughter’s nose! Well maybe your daughter wouldn’t have gotten
her nose broken if she hadn’t lit my fucking car on fire! Now sweetie, there’s no need to use that kind
of language right now. Really, Mom? Did your fucking car get lit
on fire?! Honey, your father and I already bought you
a new car. You bought me a Nissan Leaf Mom! A fucking
Leaf! Every time I go up a big hill, it sounds like goddamn Judith Dinsmore in PE class. You guys go ahead! I’m gonna sit this one
out! A fucking Leaf Mom! Alright, alright, everybody, it looks like…
it’s getting hot in herre! But instead of taking off all of your clothes, how about
we introduce ourselves? I’m Mr. McNeely, and all of the students around here call me Mr.
Mack. No, no we don’t. Nope, nobody does that. Ok, well, they could start. Moving on! I suppose I’ll go first. Afternoon ladies,
my name is Pamela Darabond. I am Jenna’s mother and of course, the wife of our esteemed Senator,
Darren Darabond. The senator wishes he could be here, but as is the case when you’re a
United States Congressman, duty calls. Mom. Mom. Mom! Oh. I’m Mackenzie’s mom. What’s the wi-fi
password in here? Oh actually, Mrs. Zales we don’t have wi-fi
here. This is a public school. A public school where? Pyongyang? Am I right? Ok! Moving on, Mrs. Matthews? Good afternoon, everybody. I’m Veronica Matthews
and I am the mother of this little princess right here and frankly, I just can’t imagine
her having anything to do with this whole situation. Why I remember when she was three
years old, she was still wetting the bed but- Mom! No! What? No, honey, this is a good story- I said no! No, but this is a funny- I don’t care! But you were- I said no! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop
it! Ooookkkayyy…Mrs. Cappelletti, why don’t
you introduce yourself? Hi, everybody, I’m Trish Cappelletti, not
to be confused with Trisha Cappelletti. No relation. Oh no you didn’t! I’m joking! You guys believed it! Ah, you
must feel real dumb! Real dumb. She’s my daughter. We’re definitely related. She came out of my vagina. Yeah I did! And lastly, uh, Shay, where are your parents? Oh, well, um, um, my mom couldn’t make it. Ha! She had a big business meeting. Squeezits! Ok, well, I suppose we’re all here, then.
Why don’t we- I hope I’m not interrupting anything- Oh, are you Shay’s father? Ah no. HA! Senator Darren Darabond. I got a call saying
I was needed back home for an urgent matter concerning my daughter. And like I say in
my campaign posters, I care about my country, but I love my family. Here have a button.
Here’s a button. Here, here you go. There’s a button for you. Oooh, ooh, let’s put it on. Owwwwwwwwww! How do I look? Gorgeous! Yeah! Oh wait, hold on, you’ve got a little bit
of blood. Senator Darabond, so good to see you. May
I extend my most heartfelt congratulations on finally passing that Ass Rape Tax yesterday. Oh Mrs. Zales, so good to see you too. And
you and I both know that the AR Tax, which stands for Adjusted Retirement, by the way,
was passed for the benefit of the American worker. You know, the guys whose jobs you
enjoy shipping off to India so much? Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, how about you suck
my dick? Well, I guess with language like that, it’s
safe to assume that your daughter is the rabblerouser who broke my sweet little angel’s nose? Oh no no, that was my sweet little angel who
broke your sweet little angel’s nose. But don’t worry about it, she’s very sorry. The fuck I am! Hey Mom, why don’t you tell
them the truth, that they’re lucky that I didn’t rip their daughter’s face off and wear
it like a fucking Halloween mask! Well pumpkin, I think that’s a little extreme- Extreme? She blew up my fucking car! Angel, did you blow up this girl’s car? No Daddy! I would never do such a thing. Well, you heard her. That’s enough for me. Are you fucking kidding me? She burnt down
a mall! Daddy, I don’t know what these girls are talking
about! The last time I saw them they were in a random alley, probably trying to score
some crack cocaine, you know, for their next fix. Next thing I know, they’re all standing
around a burning car. If you ask me, looks like a meth cook gone wrong. Ah, I wish there was more we could do for
today’s youth to keep them off the streets and away from the drugs! We weren’t doing drugs in the alley! I found a possum! Ooh! What kind? An angry! Been there, fucking been there. Ugh, good god. Mr. McNeely, I think we can all see what’s
going on here. What we have is nothing more than a simple case of a young girl getting
injured while playing an innocent game of Possum Chase. We weren’t chasing possums- My daughter was not just injured, her soul
was crushed. You don’t understand what a nose means to a teenage girl- She blew up my fucking car! A fucking Leaf,
mom! What the fuck is the wi-fi password?! Alright that is enough! In all of my years
of teaching- You’ve been here like six weeks. In all my weeks of teaching, I have never,
never seen such behavior! A girl’s nose is broken! Another girl’s car has been burnt
to ashes! Don’t forget about the possums. Enough with the possums! If you all think
that you’re just going to come in here, scream at each other and then walk out, you are dead
wrong! Nobody is leaving until we resolve this issue. All of my papers have been graded.
I just had a hearty meal of grocery store sushi, and I’ve got no friends, so ladies,
Senator, settle in, because I’ve got nothing but time.

Reynold King

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